Nonexistent line crossed
by KaiSaeren
Summary: 6 months after their promise became reality, Kyousuke finds himself at the end of a road, he was not aware he walked on. Pushed and shoved by Kirino, he reaches an edge of a nonexistent line.


**Athor's note: I have written this short oneshot after reading the fanfiction Promises, if you have read it it might make more sense to you. While it was inspired by it, it is in no way affiliated with it's much better brethren. For the sake of the story, as I am honestly too lazy to write anything along the lines of a prologue, imagine how Kirino normally behaved to Kyousuke during the anime, but after the ending, with the violence and emotional extortion brought up to max. I was also always apprehensive of the physical punishment that Kirino inflicted upon her dear brother and I just imagined what would happen if she pushed him and hurt him a little bit too bad, not just mentally, but physically after a beautiful day spent with the dere side of Kirino. I hope someone enjoys it at least a little bit :)**

It was at that moment, when I saw her beautiful face contort in anger, when I saw her take the familiar stance and ready her leg I heard the glass breaking. Truly, just like in drama movies I saw last few months of my live speed infront of my eyes as everything else slowed down to a crawl. After everything that has happened, everything we have gone through, everything I have done, this was still her answer. It was a trivial matter really, under normal circumstances I would have taken her abuse as I always did, shrug it off and move on. But I just happened on something I never thought I had when it came to my sister... a limit, a line that I never even noticed was there untill just now and as I was being pushed and shoved by Kirino, oblivious to the fact that there was no more road behind me, I crossed it.

I cought her leg as it was about to hit my nether region, squezed it hard and pushed it back towards Kirino. The surprise in her face was evident as her arms flailed, trying to latch onto a nearby wall for support only to slide down it. She sat down on her bottom hard and winced in pain. I did not even attempt to catch her.

"Hey! What the hell you think-" She yelled at me indignantly even angrier then before.

"Enough." I heard myself saying, it was not a yell nor an order, but it sounded more dangerous then either. I shuddered at hearing myself speaking in such a voice to my little sister, but the dam had already broke.

I was looking directly down at the floor, my fingers digging into my palms, pressing my teeth together so hard my jaw was going numb.

"Ani-ki?" She asked hesitantly from the floor, I only saw the end of her legs pull back as she stood up.

"Enough Kirino, I'v had enough."

I still didn't look up but I could imagine her eyes going wide. I heard Ayase gasp behind me, down the stairs. I no longer cared. The constant hammering in my head was reaching its apex and my chest was squeezed more painfully then ever before.

"Exactly what am I to you Kirino? No stammering, no stupid excuses, no lying. Exactly what am I to you Kirino, that you think you can treat me this way, day in and day out without a care in the world?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"Wha-"

But I dont let her finish.

"Let me answer it for you, why don't you. A toy!" I let the word hang in the air for a little bit, my eyes are so intently focusing on the carpet that I see it everywhere now, like stains on my eyesight itself, a sound of waves fills my ears, no more like machine factory, humming and whirling, a cacophony of sounds ending as a disorienting buzz in my ears, all encompasing, impregnable.

"I know that I left you all those years back, I know it damn it, and I will never fogive myself for not being there for you, when you were growing up. For not seeing how much you tried and how much work you put into everything you did, how much you have succeeded. There is no excuse for it and I would never try to find one. But I am not alone to blame for all that happened Kirino!" I yell out the last sentence, but it all sounds quiet and far away to me.

"You were the one who started this all, you were the one who ignored me, belitled me and left me. Did you ever come and tell me why is it you are upset, what is wrong?! You only ever blamed me for leaving you back then because I am the big brother who should have had it all under control, but I don't remember doing so. I changed yeah I know, and we both know why now, but to my eyes everything was normal untill one day I saw you crying and wanted to comfort you, only to have you slap my hand away and snap at me! Without a word, no explanation, nothing! You say I left you, that I didn't try to stop that cold war of ours, that I wasn't the big brother that I was growing up. But doesn't that just show how little I meant to you? As long as I was the dependable, over achieving and perfect brother you loved me, but as soon as I changed you drifted away from me. I was only being a normal boy, what was I supposed to do when my friends laughed at me for spending so much time wih my sister! I didn't mind, I enjoyed spending time with you, but I just wanted them to stop, we were both kids and I know you did no understand it, so I would never blame you, but DAMN IT! Neither did I! You said I left you, but you never tried to get me back either, you never fought for your brother! And if you did, then for the life of me I didn't see it, through all the yelling, insults and beating, I didn't see it."

I felt myself breaking, the roaring in my ears getting louder and my mind foggier, only thing in existence seemed to be the greyish brown patter of our carpet, the walls lining our hall, Kirino's feet in her pink slippers and the imagined wall of text my mind was apparantely reading from.

"And then all this happened, we became close and I realised how much I missed you all these years, how little I was without you in my life. And I was happy, happier then I have been since we were kids, happier then I have ever been. Even with all my groaning I have enjoyed all of our little adventures in Akiba, all the nights spent playing Eroge, all our semi serious arguments. I enjoyed and loved being with you, doing things for you, going as far as to embarass and belittle myself for you on more then one occasion, I enjoyed all the things that others would probably call bizare. I never wanted anything from you Kirino, I felt so guilty and so happy to have you back that even when you simply, thank you Aniki, I was satisfied, I felt like I didn't deserve it."

I felt like the whole conversation was hours long, my body was getting heavy and my mouth sagged a little, my eyes became watery. Shaking my head from side to side angrily I continued, forced by the unreal want to be understood, against my better judgment.

"And somewhere along the way I fell in love with you, I knew it was wrong and I fought against it with every fiber of my being, I didn't know how it happened or even when, maybe it was there for a long time, maybe it was recent, but all the same it felt innevitable. "

"And when I heard you say you never wanted to see me with any other girl, that you should always be my number one I decided that I could no longer bear it. I risked everything and put it all on the line and against all odds you said yes and for a few hours I was the happiest person on the planet. Untill you brought up that promise of yours. And like an idiot that you know I am, I agreed. You might as well have just declined me right there and then on the street for the effect that our three months together had. If I was disgusting and perverted sis-con before, how about after you kissing me and leaving? How were we supposed to go back to being siblings with this huge lingering issue between us, maybe you can, but I am not able to just turn myself off, my feelings off."

Now I was getting to the heart of the things. The 6 months since our promise had been heaven and hell at the same time. Hot and cold, pull and push, happy and despairing.

"I know very well why the promise was neccessary in your eyes, but I meant what I said when I confessed and all those times after. I knew it would be hard, nigh on impossible to get through all the obsticales in our way, that society, even most of our friends would never accept us! Don't you think I knew all that as well?! If anything were to happen I would be the one to bear the blame, or the brunt of it anyways, I resided myself to it. If our parents found out, I would be the one disowned, kicked out and beaten and I still would have gone through with it! I would have gone against the whole world as I promised if it meant to have you at my side. I know how wrong and creepy that is but I didn't care, you made me happy and at the time I belived I made you happy too. But even so I agreed to your promise and pretended that it is ok, I would have gone to any lenghts to make you happy and if this made you happy then so be it. I enjoyed our three months of being a couple and pretended the end was not coming and when it did, I switched to brother mode, as you wanted, I swore to myself that if this is what you wanted then I would do my best to make it happen, to make our relationship as normal as it could be."

And first tears formed in my eyes and fell to the ground, I am surprised it took this long.

"But you could not let me be, even then, could you. I already promised myself and you that I would never be with anyone and was content with my choice to be in love with you, even if we were never to be together again. But you kept pulling me back. It is one thing to be jealous of every girl I meet, I would act the same. But what was I supposed to make of your looks, your questions where I was, your relentless messages hounding me to come home and spend time with you. I wanted to and would have anyway but the way you behaved made me realise that the cruelest thing about the promise was not the break up part, but the fact that you kept the hope that it was not final inside me. I am not a mind reader, I could not see what you were thinking, no matter how hard I tried. On some days you would come to sleep in my bad claiming to be scared, or tired of sleeping in yours, or wanted to play your games with me and you would hug me and hold me like you used to and the next day you would ignore me for hours before yelling at me and storming off. Then you would almost kiss me before telling me to forget about it all only to ask me the very next week if I was happy with our promise? And when I told honestly I was not and asked you the same you told me you don't know. Why ask in the first place? Why torture me like that?"

"Even now, look at what you are doing. Just a few hours ago you invited me out to a couples restaurant and held my hand the entire evening, and when we came home you pushed me down the stairs for asking why did you do that. You are playing with me, you are pushing and pulling as you want, without any regard to what I am feeling. Just because I am older, just because I am your brother, does that mean I don't have the right to be confused and hurt, does that mean everything has to be up to me, does that mean I have to have all the answers? How I am to tell what is it you want, how can I know how far I can go without pushing what I want onto you. I have done everything in my power and would give up anything to be with you and you didn't even say it back."

At this my voice cracks and besides the warm tears treaming down my face I feel other liquid coming down the side of my head.

"I know I should be ashamed for even thinking of it after everything we have gone through together, but I don't even know if you actually love me, or if you ever actually did! You...you never said it and it hurts so much. I am so tired of everything, so confused. I don't know what to expect or want anymore. Should I be happy you held my hand as a guy who is in love with you, or mortified as your brother you made me promise to be. Should I be angry you yell at me and hit me as your boyfriend who deserves better or should I just have a kick out of it as an older brother should. Can I touch you and hold you when I am feeling down, as you do, or will that hurt you, will it hurt or comfort me? I dont know who I am anymore, who I should be, who I want to be."

I bring my hands to my face, I can't see clearly anymore, red coloring my vision. I put my face in my palms, smearing tears all over my face and then look up.

Kirino's face is different then my dimming brain had expected, her face is devoid of color, and her eyes wide, terrified.

And the world spins like a spinning wheel with me riding on top of it, I can see the red on my hands.

Kirino opens her mouth and says something, but I can't hear her, she takes a step forward and says it again, more forcefully, yelling it out. It is my name.

And then I realise I am losing my balance, my legs making oddly fast moves, like a dancer.

"Kirino...I..."

And then there is no longer floor beneath my feet and with growing horror I realise that I am staring at the ceiling now, falling back first down the stairs, out of the corner of my eyes I can see Kirino moving forward with her hand outstretched my name still on her lips, only moment too slow to catch me.

And so the line is crossed.

 **This is a short thought, not too relevant to Oreimo, but somehow it felt appropriate to add it here, even if just because I genuenly thought it great. So praise me world :D**

I wish that great things would never get old, so that new experiences would never lose their shine. I wish that we would never forget how it felt before it became ordinary. Like first kiss, like reading a new book or watching a new movie and experiencing that story for the first time. You can always find something else that will evoke similar feelings but never the same and you will always end up looking for what you felt that first time. I wish that ordinary things would be enough to make us happy.

 **Sorry for the dark story, I love KyousukexKirino stories to death, but I imagine we all felt that sometimes she was too severe, this is just a story where bad timing meets a bad mood.**


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